This past month has been tough. Rina is definitely acting up with the fact that Ben and I are back to work full-time and Béatrice, being the little monkey-see-monkey-do that she is, copies her big sister all the time. When Rina has a meltdown, Béa has one just to be like her big sister. I’m not lying. Sometimes, she whines just because Rina is whining. It makes for a very loud household and it doesn’t get any better when I lose my patience and get loud on top of them.
I’m a loner. I like my quiet time. I need some “me time” where I can recharge in the peace and quiet of my house. I like my house clean (well, as clean and orderly as it can get with two children and a husband who isn’t so bothered by messiness). I can’t sit and relax until the house is somewhat orderly.
When I have to go to work, I need my scrubs out, my lunch and dinner packed the night before in order to optimize my sleeping time. Heck, I even fill my bottle of water and put it in the fridge overnight so I don’t have to do it in the morning. That’s how organized I am.
Rina has been a wonderful toddler up until very recently. She is now acting up a lot more, talking back and kicking and screaming. I can tell my “time-out” method isn’t going to last for much longer and I’m not sure what kind of discipline I’ll use when it doesn’t. I’ll admit to resorting to screaming a lot more than I would like to lately and I’m absolutely exhausted. Exhausted because the screaming isn’t helping, it only adds up to my frustration and exhausted because that’s not the kind of parenting I want to be doing.
I spoke to Mamie today and she reassured me that it is normal to have phases when you get more tired as a parent. I find it hard when Rina keeps behaving badly (and Béatrice imitates her) and it makes me not like motherhood at times. I don’t mean that I don’t like my daughters, quite the contrary. I live and breathe for these two little persons, but sometimes, I really don’t like being a mom. The kind of mom that has to choose between discipline and teaching the rules or giving up on your child. The mom who has to make a choice between folding laundry and cleaning the house or going to the playground. The mom who caves in and feeds “fishy crackers” and “bunny noodles” once in a while so that we don’t have to fight over mealtime.
Then, there’s the guilt. I know I need time to myself, but I feel guilty when I do take the time I need by myself. It’s never ending. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. One thing I won’t budge on though is Crossfit. I need Crossfit as an outlet where I can be “me” for an hour a few times a week. When I’m at Crossfit, I’m not Mommy, I’m just another woman, giving the best she has to the bar, the Erg, the Airdyne or the rig. To be completely honest, that’s one of the reason I love Crossfit so much: it’s a great outlet to my everyday life frustrations and I absolutely CANNOT think about anything else than what is going on in that very second, otherwise, injury would ensue, I’m absolutely convinced of that.
So, this morning, I was selfish and I went to the box. For my physical, mental and emotional health, as well as the eel–being of my daughters! ;)
Warm-up: That was the best warm-up ever, running, but with walking intervals. My kind of running!
Skill: Back squat 6×3 E2M
I was all excited about back squats! I teamed up with Jen and Victoria and we increased with similar weight throughout the progression. Here were my reps:
I repeated the 100# twice because I couldn’t keep my shoulders up on the up part of the squat. I also repeated the 105# twice because my last rep at 105# was ugly. I couldn’t engage my core enough to make it straight on the up for the last rep of either set at 105#. It’s ok, I have 6 weeks to work on that until we move onto the next phase of training. Reading the blog, I was happy to find out we will be working on the snatch, the back squat and the handstand pushup over the next 6 weeks. I’m particularly happy about the HSPU as it’s something I’ve been curious of trying. Let’s just hope I don’t miss too many HSPU days because of my work schedule! ;)
WOD: Labour Daze
I paired up with Victoria and Jen again for this one and although it wasn’t easy, we did well. We did the FG and my modifications were mainly for the strict pull-ups (I used the blue and red bands) and stuck to the 14# wallballs. I started on the rower and lost track of my personal scores. I think I averaged 10-12 calories/minute on the Erg, 6-8 wall balls/minute (i know it’s low, but I’m still new to the 14# wallballs and they were a killer after rowing) and between 6-8 pull-ups/minute. I was sweaty after this one and although it seemed like a good idea to get moving after my little at-home WOd from Saturday, it made my legs really sore! Can’t wait to see how I’ll be walking tomorrow… Not!
Still playing with my macronutrients and learning about eating within my macros over the next week, but I can feel things are slowly clicking. I’m a slow learning, what can I say! :)