Breathe

After the exhausting day we had yesterday and being up for 30hrs+ straight, I looked at the WOD last night and didn’t feel like going to Crossfit. However I knew I’d feel better just stepping foot into the Box so I forced myself to go. It wasn’t pretty, but I got it done.

I was greeted by a huge hug from Tracey and that opened up my floodgates, but I honestly didn’t care.I expected today to be a release of the said gates and I was ready for it.

Source

Source

Skill: Hang power snatch + OHS x 8

We had done something similar in a Oly class so I started at 50# for 4 reps and bumped it up to 55# for the last 4. My 2 middle reps at 55# were ugly, but I had a self-talk about bracing core, punching the bar up and dropping underneath it and finished off with better form.

WOD: Kitty Paws

I knew this would be hard, but I didn’t know just how hard it would be. I did a combo of TG+, which meant I used a 55# bar and decided on doing 10 DUs for each rounds. I may have been able to do 65, but I wasn’t feeling it at all, being on the verge of tears and all… The first round was uneventful and it took me a long time to get my 10 DUs done. It’s different doing them in my lifting shoes. The second round is where everything started to go downhill. I was tearing up a lot and had a hard time staying focused on the task at hand. I closed my eyes for the single skips and repeated that technique for all the remaining rounds in order to regroup. I honestly can’t tell you my time. I think it was around the 19:00 mark, but I didn’t even look at the clock when I finished. I just sank to my knees, put my head on them and bawled. I just needed to release all the sadness about Duke in order to be strong for the girls today. My goal is to not cry today with them, so I had a good go at it this morning. I was way last to finish and I’m sure people were probably wondering what the heck was wrong with me, but I really didn’t care. I have said it many times before, Crossfit is my therapy. I got my money’s worth today! ;) After a few minutes, I tried to settle my breathing, taking one breath in, one breath out. I got up, picked up my gear and left.

A wise woman (my mom ;)) once told me to focus on the things I had power to change. I can’t change anything about the Duke situation. I can’t dwell on the “what if’s” and I need to be there for my girls. I need to be strong for them in order to let them feel their emotions about the whole thing. So instead, I will focus on the things I have control over: being a wife, a mom, planning my meals, enjoying my workouts and making the most of my days off with my little family all while breathing, one breath at-a-time.

Sadness

Today was one of the suckiest day I’ve ever had to go through.

After a very long night at work, I was looking forward to coming home, walking Duke and then we had plans to go out for breakfast (our usual Sunday morning routine when I’m not working).

I came home exhausted and took off with Duke for our walk. He had been so good lately that I decided to walk him off-leash. We made it 2 blocks from our house when he dashed into the street to go greet a dog on the other side. He never made it to greet the other dog. A car couldn’t avoid him and ran him over. Duke yelped endlessly and hobble his way over to me on the sidewalk. I can clearly remember the thud of his little body being run over and the screeching tires. He was bloody and looked like his back left hip was dislocated.

The driver came to us as well as a few people drawn out by Duke’s yelps. I took the driver’s phone number as well as the vet hospital she recommended. I called Ben to let him know about the situation and I picked up Duke and carried him back home. The longest 2 blocks I’ve ever had to walk. I was crying and shaking the whole way while Duke was moaning softly.

Once I was back home, I put him down gently, called the vet hospital and made my way over while Ben was getting the girls ready to come meet us there. They were waiting for me at the vet hospital and scooped Duke away to give him some pain killers and clean up his wounds. Ben and the girls arrived later, while I was still waiting to hear from the vet. He finally came to see us, gave us an estimate of his treatment course and the price varied between $1500-$2000 just for his care overnight as well as all the exams required. The estimate also included other options which would bring the bill up to $3500. Heck, there was no way we could afford that so I made the decision to pay for x-rays and hoped it would be something we could deal with at home.

Turns out he had no broken bone, but the vet had done an abdominal ultrasound and he had an abdominal bleed and therefore, it would not be safe for us to take him home with us. Our only other option was to pay for the x-rays and surrender him to the vet, who would then contact some agencies for the fees required for his care or they would euthanize him if he deteriorated too much. We were given some time with him to say our goodbyes. I don’t think Béatrice understands or is affected by any of it, but myself and Rina are absolutely devastated. Ben is stoic, but I can tell his heart is breaking to see Rina so sad about the whole thing. I’ve been crying all day and while Ben took the girls to run some errands, I was in charge of cleaning the house of everything Duke-related with the hopes that “out of sight, out of mind” will help Rina cope better.

I blame myself fully for having lost such a good pup. I should have kept him on his leash and Rina is quick to remind me of that. Not only do I have to deal with my grief and help my daughter cope with hers, but I also have to deal with a world of guilt.

I tried calling the vet hospital for an update in the afternoon, but since I have revoked my ownership to Duke, they wouldn’t tell me anything other than “he was comfortable”. Patient confidentiality even for animals apparently…

I hope he pulls through and gets adopted by a wonderful family. He is a very tender pup. In the event that he doesn’t, I hope they don’t let him suffer unnecessarily and euthanize him with dignity. He was only with us for a short month, but he was MY dog and I had been waiting 7 years for him. Now, I don’t want another dog, because there’s no way I’m ever putting myself or my family through such an ordeal ever again.

Crossfit will be my therapy tomorrow, that’s for sure. For now, here’s the last picture I took of Duke and how I want to remember him. Happy and running free…

Goodbye Duke. You will be missed

Goodbye Duke. You will be missed

Seeing Stars

I really didn’t want to go to Crossfit last night when I went to bed and even though I really wasn’t in the mood, I took my clothes out and put them at the ready in the bathroom for this morning. I’ve had a cold all week and had a crappy sleep last night with my night ending at 0400. I was more than ready to come out of bed at 0500.

Here’s what I was anticipating:

Source

Source

Skill: Back Squats 5×5 E90S

I was actually looking forward to these last night and I kept it with a minimal PR goal of 5#. My previous attempt at theses ended up at 100# and I was planning to end at 105#. I secretly wished I could have done 110#, but my energy level was too low today. On the 4th rep of the last round (my round at 100#), when I came out of the squat, I was seeing stars and black spots in front of my eyes and said so outloud. Coach Caleb came by and spotted me on the last rep and I really had to fight for it, but I managed to do it without being rescued out of it. Yeah, glad I stuck to 105# today!

WOD: Blower

We had to have 3 heats for this one since there were so many of us and only 6 ergs. I was lucky enough to be in the first heat. I knew I would struggle through this one with my lungs not being 100% from my cold, but at the same time, my goal was just to get moving today. I finished with a score of 695 (3 full rounds + 65m rowed into the 4th round) and even though it’s a low score, I’m glad I managed to even get that much! I was happy and out of breath when it was all said and done and I went on to cheer my peers in the other heats.

I came back home, walked the dog up to the reservoir and tried to jog back down with him on his leash. I’m slowly trying to teach him to run on his leash as all he wants to do when we’re jogging is jump and bite my hands. It’s a slow process and the entire thing probably lasted less than 10 minutes (don’t worry, I know I’m not supposed to be running a puppy, I’m just trying to slowly bring him to good manners on his leash) and we managed to shave about 5 minutes to our walk time. Next time, maybe I’ll try to “run” up the reservoir as well (he’ll do just fine walking next to me as I slowly and painfully huff and puff my way uphill ;) ).

I came back home, made a delicious breakfast of gluten-free toast layered with hummus, salsa and a sunny-side-up egg, a side of sausages and cherry tomatoes and a nice coffee. Don’t diss the toast until you try it, it is absolutely delicious and my favourite breakfast at home! Ben took both girls with him when he drove Rina to school and extended his outing by getting a haircut, which meant I had an empty house to myself to clean. I can stay focused on the task way better when the girls are not calling out for me every 5 minutes and that meant that I had dusted, vacuumed, mopped the upstairs, cleaned the downstairs bathroom and finished off 3 loads of laundry (folded and put away too!) by 1115! I had a few minutes to play with Béa before heading out to pick up Rina at preschool. We came back home, had lunch, they watched a bit of TV and they are now down for nap/quiet time while I finish this post and will then relax with some knitting. Nanny will show up later so I can also nap before my night at work. The glamorous life of a full-time working mom/RN!

Easter Saturday

I started my weekend with an unexpected night off from work and that made it the best night ever because it meant I could tag along with Ben and the girls for the Easter Egg Hunt he had registered them for!

I woke up early this morning and walked up to the reservoir with my trusted Duke to watch the sun rise above the clouds:

Photo 2015-04-04, 6 54 28 AM

It seemed like the park had put on its Easter colour scheme to celebrate for tomorrow:

Nature does it best! Purple and yellow flowers for Easter

Nature does it best! Purple and yellow flowers for Easter

I came back home, cleaned up and made breakfast before we headed on out for the girl Easter Egg Hunt organized by the Rec Centre. Béa called the bunny “the Monster Bunny” so I’m not sure she was impressed with the whole thing, but I think they had fun chasing the few eggs left around:

IMGP7774

IMGP7776

We then went around to get some dog food and had lunch. When we came back home, it was time for the girls to nap and while Ben was taking care of the lawn and the compost, I finally came around to doing the Burpees and Double Unders workout from StayFitMom. I had to take a few breaks for the rounds of 25 and 20 burpees and I have to admit that the rounds of 50 and 40 DUs took me quite a long time with A LOT of single reps mixed in with even more whipping of the legs/butt/arms/shins in-between. I did, however, manage to string 8 DUs in a row (once) and a few 7 and 6 in a row as well, which is a new PR for me! :)

My cheat sheet hanging outside so I wouldn't lose track of where I was in the WOD.

My cheat sheet hanging outside so I wouldn’t lose track of where I was in the WOD.

When all was said and done, it took me 24:17 to finish it all. Here’s what I looked like after:

Yep! I'm pooped!

Yep! I’m pooped!

Now the girls are up, eating candy (bedtime should be fun… NOT) and I have to go wash up before dinnertime. Hop you all have a fun-filled Happy Easter!

 

 

Games Standing And Family Life

As promised earlier, here’s my standing in the Games. For some reason, every time I check my standing, it keeps changing. I don’t know why people are still allowed to enter/validate their scores, but I’ll keep with the standing I had as of earlier this morning (0900) for the purpose of this post:

Open 2015 standing

Open 2015 standing

51760 out of 108,764 women worldwide places me in the top 55% (I was in the bottom 14% last year).

I also managed to place 1538 out of 2777 women on the Canada West division, which places me in the top  44% (I don’t have those stats from last year). Just to give you an idea of how strong my little Box is, I came in at 76/83 total registrants, placing me in the bottom 8% (I was in the bottom 6% last year). Now do you believe me when I tell you that I work out with fit/beastly people?!? Lol!

Looking back at those numbers, I’m pretty happy about my accomplishments on the worldwide front, that’s a huge improvement! I also noticed the number of women registered worldwide has more than doubled from last year (from 52550 to 108,764)! That’s insane!

I got up before dawn again for my Oly class. Here’s what we did:

Photo 2015-04-02, 12 46 57 PM

For the Squat Snatch, if we failed a rep, we had to drop back to our last successful weight, which is why I dropped back to 50# since I had failed my 2nd rep at 55#. Overall though, it felt a lot smoother than it ever has before and the concept of pulling the bar while dropping underneath it is slowly coming around… if I don’t think about it too much! ;)

Photo 2015-04-02, 12 47 33 PM

 

We had to start at 65% of our PR for our Power Clean and Jerk which meant 40# for me. I progressed with every round and finished at 65#. The Split Jerk comes naturally to me and I was working on really dropping lower under the bar. It felt good to do so and the reps felt strong throughout.

I came back home to walk Duke and was rewarded by this gorgeous sunrise once I reached the park:

Modern Day Rapunzel tower as the girls like to pretend when I take them with me! ;)

Modern Day Rapunzel tower as the girls like to pretend when I take them with me! ;)

Once we came back home, I lounged in bed for a little bit with Ben and Rina and then she decided to blow raspberries on my belly. We were both laughing hysterically. Fart noises are funny at any age! ;)

Then it was onto breakfast, laundry and cleaning. The girls have been easily upset and a puddle of cries and tears all morning. So much so that I had to put both of them in their rooms with the doors closed in order for them to calm down. This BabyMama is very much looking forward to quiet time and nap time before I head in to work before my night shift!

 

 

Rest

Last night, I thought about going in to the Box for a workout… for about 3 mins. Then, I painfully made my way upstairs to go brush my teeth and considering it literally took me 2 minutes to make it up the 16 steps, I decided against. While I was brushing my teeth, I thought about doing this workout instead, the one with the burpees and the double under from stayfitmom.com once I was done with all my cooking and food prep for the week, then I had to sit down on my bed and since I did it the geriatric way (keep your legs straight as long as possible, then collapse onto said bed), I decided to just have a rest day today.

Rest should probably be in quotation marks however, since I was still up at 0630 to go on my walk with Duke. Although, 0630 is now considered “sleeping in” for this BabyMama who’s used to waking up at 0500 now. I quite enjoy those early walks with the pooch. Everything is still sleepy, there’s nobody at the reservoir, which means, I’m an outlaw and let him run off-leash. He likes it and it allows him to burn some energy as well. Here are a few shots I took as I was listening to the birds. I even heard (but couldn’t find) a woodpecker.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I came back home, showered and helped out with breakfast before heading out to get groceries and work on my menu for the week:

Yummy food for the week

Yummy food for the week

In the midst of all this food prep, I managed to go get Rina from school on time, avoid “accidents” in the house from both Béatrice and Duke and write this blog post. I only have to make the curry dressing for the salad and cook dinner and then, I’ll be ready to go back to work tomorrow.

A friend of mine sent me some pics she took of me during 15.5. Some of them are funny, others slightly embarrassing as they were taken during my meltdown. Although, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I shouldn’t be embarrassed about them. They show strength when I felt like quitting, relentlessness when faced with adversity and through it all, even when I was sobbing and tears were flowing down my cheeks, I managed to do every rep successfully, without ever getting a “No rep” from my judge. I showed the hubby last night and he said something pretty sweet.

You’re an entirely different person than who you were when you first started. It’s a pretty big transformation, babe.

Now, my husband is a man of few words and not someone I would qualify as romantic, but to me, that was the epitome of romance coming from him!

Below are the pictures, so you can see by yourself:

On the erg, at the beginning. Rowing at 5'1" is never pleasant

On the erg, at the beginning. Rowing at 5’1″ is never pleasant

"Deer stuck in headlights" look on my face as I just realized my original game plan will not work and I have so many reps of thrusters to do. I was on the round of 27...

“Deer stuck in headlights” look on my face as I just realized my original game plan will not work and I have so many reps of thrusters to do. I was on the round of 27…

Pushing through the pain on the round of 21

Pushing through the pain on the round of 21

Meltdown in full force. The mind wants to quit way before the body does

Meltdown in full force. The mind wants to quit way before the body does

Trying to get a grip on my emotions and finishing this one, once and for all.

Trying to get a grip on my emotions and finishing this one, once and for all.

Finally, a little comparison from a year ago to this year. Crazy how much straighter my back is (not so much of a “stripper butt” thing going on) and how much more relaxed my shoulders are, even in full effort! Progress is progress!

2015-03-30